Kambakht Ishq - Not for kids, adults or aliens

Kambakht Ishq.

Just like all previous purposeful mistakes I've made in my life, I added one more to the list when I landed in a cinema hall (albeit on a social outing with family) to watch Kambakht Ishq. And this is what happened.

Dog.

B***h.

B*****d.

Not everyday do you get to know what it feels like to be punched by Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson in a one-on-two match. Even worse, I'm way too weak and vulnerable already.

So how is Kambakht Ishq, you may ask. How does it feel like to see a dog have his bowels emptied, the excreta picked up and packaged into a double-cheese burger and given to you as your 'junk meal'?

Yes. That bad. And add the dog's 'soft-drink' to complete the package.

The ringa-ringa-roses begin in a church, where even God was pitiably forced to witness the testament of a failed wedding, Kareena Kapoor's in-your-face non-acting and stuntman Akshay Kumar's attempts to save the men of the world from evil women. I pity you, God. I do.

Before the 'I do' is completed and poor old Aftab Shivdasani (who apparently still exists to give goofy smiles and fill the 'chaprasi-disguised-as-supporting-actor' roles) is completely deprived of any sex life with beau Amrita Arora, you have a failed wedding with cakes being hurled in all directions for no purpose whatsoever when they should have seriously considered donating them to thousands of engineering students who could use it as cannon fodder.

As life goes on (and so does the dog-b***h claptrap), Kareena amazingly drops her ringtone-watch while doing her first surgery EVER into Akshay's stomach. The visuals pop up in an x-ray and Kareena decides that she must fake love to retrieve the watch while Akshay apparently ends up falling in love, sacrificing all the principles on which his life was based in the movie.

In between, you have Hollywood icons Sylvester Stallone and Denise Richards do cameos. Javed Jaffery and Kirron Kher waste their talents in poorly-scripted roles. Shivdasani and Arora are just plain fillers, while Akshay's wacky sidekick is a hyper-lame imitation of many other previously successful Bollywood sidekicks.

Add to this, Kapoor's questionable and self-righteous attitude towards people who watch movies clearly speaks volumes about the escalated power that Bollywood brokers in the country today. A day doesn't seem to be far off where the 'stars' hardly bother about pleasing fans, but impose themselves in a rather Orwellian way of doing things.

Make movies. Make better movies. Let the people decide.

And as far as this one goes - avoidable. Completely.

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Keep the Faith

After a rather painful and completely unexpected Super Eight elimination in the ICC World Twenty20 Championships, the bits, pieces and a meaningless match against champions-elect South Africa are the only sources of minimum redemption and face-saving hope that Mahendra Singh Dhoni and his fallen heroes can pick up. The barrage of criticism that has followed the exit of the Indian cricket team from the prestigious event in England is, not to say the least, shocking.

The media, in particular, has again demonstrated typical opportunism and singled out Dhoni for the utter failure of the defending champions. Undoubtedly, Dhoni has made errors not suited to his cricketing brain but to lambast a man, who has sacrificed his entire batting career for the thankless job of the Indian cricket captain, for defeats in two matches (one by a close three runs) is shameful to say the least. The media is clearly still nursing the wounds of that clash with Dhoni regarding team spirit and Virender Sehwag. In the wake of that ugly confrontation, they have been presented with a roaring opportunity to get even with the Ranchi cricketer. And boy have they have made use of it.

TV channels are running amok with excessive replays of specific errors made by Dhoni in the key defeat against the West Indies and experts from all spheres of life are castigating him for tactical errors. How unfair. To single out Dhoni and give a clean chit to the likes of Suresh Raina and Gautam Gambhir is extremely unjust and what is even more ridiculous is that this inevitably makes captaincy in cricket indirectly or even directly responsible for the poor form of other players. And this even defies logic.

As expected, opinion polls are waiting breathlessly at the end of the tunnel of Dhoni’s journey with many fans and news websites pondering whether sacking Dhoni could pave the way for a new era in Indian cricket. Whether India are better off without his ultra-cool demeanors on field and excessive rotations of the batting order.

Well, the simple answer is No.

To pass a judgment on the career of Dhoni based on a single tournament smacks of rhetorical nonsense of the worst kind and there is clearly no single stand-out successor to Dhoni in Indian cricket’s current scenario. The likes of Virender Sehwag and Yuvraj Singh are better off captaining their respective IPL teams while the leader in a Rohit Sharma or a Suresh Raina is clearly an infant who needs time to blossom.

If Mahendra Singh Dhoni is fast becoming the problem, then he is also the only solution. In him lies the brain to intellectually sort out the wrongs of the current Indian set-up and it is he who has the calmness to realize his and the team’s mistakes and rise out of the ashes. And mind you, it’s only his first major failure. The immediate apology offered by him at the end of the game speaks volumes about Dhoni’s level-headed nature and mental toughness and he is one man who knows and feels the pain of an early exit and collective failure. And what it means to a billion people.

Keep the faith. This isn’t the end of ends. This is a new beginning.

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Site Maintenance

As I have observed and as was also pointed out by Mithe, the current template on this blog has exceeded the bandwidth limit.

Since I'm not too keen on other Blogger templates, I guess I will use this breakdown to complete a long-pending move to Wordpress. And also get my own domain name.

Be back soon. New and improved.

Delhi-6: More Clichés

If there's one significant line that is worth keeping in mind at the end of a draining re-run of tormenting and heavily clichéd themes-filthy rich guy, simple town girl, impossible love, fill-in characters, overdose of drama, Hindu-Muslim clashes in a small neighbourhood- it is "How can a monkey be a Hindu or a Muslim?". And the irony is that just right there even a neutral's view of the Hindu-Muslim conundrum is converted into a drab chestnut. And one wonders whether it is eventual boredom that will lead to the end of the problem as even mutual hatred joins the list of clichés. At least in movies.

A rich young man plans to ensure a smooth return for his grandmother to her family home in the crowded streets of vintage Delhi. He becomes a part of the neighbourhood to such an extent that he is no longer just the admired-from-a-distance, sweet NRI with a crooked Western accent. He falls in love (you don't know when it happens, how it happens and why it happens), meddles in the personal lives of a few orthodox well-wishers and ends up being beaten to death, like a man who dares to mess with the rigidity of conservatism would. But he does come back alive, of course.

Rakeysh Mehra's previous efforts have been way better than what he has brought out for the cinegoer this time around. Mehra's intrinsic focus on how he will patch raw beads into a beautiful necklace lose pace as early as the beginning of the movie. A typically chaotic introduction to innumerable characters, who then keep popping in and out of the screen at unexpected times and an effort to stitch together the culture beauty of Purani Dilli for the audiences leads to a jamboree of confusion that one just cant comprehend. Rakeysh Mehra probably observed the average Delhi life, made a checklist and somehow infused every point from that list into a package. Plot - doesn't matter. Sense - who cares. Audience - bewildered.

In the middle of it all, you are taught how to slap with resounding acoustics, how to change channels from the TV remote without using your hands, how to jump from one building to another in a congested neighbourhood like a fleet-footed chipmunk chasing a banana-filled truck, how to see through a monkey's eyes and how to be insane about Indian Idol. The starcast gives a thoroughly average performance. Nobody in particular stands out. Except Sonam Kapoor's natural Chandni Chowk ki chhorri looks.

The music is impressive, but that is the least one can expect from a man who has just bagged two Oscars for some rather ordinary work in Slumdog Millionaire. A R Rahman's work in D-6 however is truly worth savouring, as are Prasoon Joshi's lyrics. But the movie is very disappointing. In an effort to build a cultural beauty and to demonstrate how long-drawn communal conflicts can be erased by projecting a common enemy, Mr. Mehra misses the point, the plot and gives us a rather average Bollywood flick. The dots just dont connect.

Verdict: Avoidable

[Image courtesy: Showhype]

Sidenote: Congratulations to A R Rahman and Resul Pookutty for their phenomenal wins at the 81st Academy Awards.







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