Of Pink Chaddis, Pink Condoms & Naked Hypocrisy

So finally, the most significant Valentine's Day in Indian history is over. There were indeed incidents of violence, which is shameful to say the least, against couples professing their love in public places across the country, but the focus seemed rather on an initiative called the Pink Chaddi campaign which was followed by its adversary, the Pink Condom campaign.

Like mass mobilization movements of the pre-Independence era, the two campaigns have picked up like-minded members and proceeded full steam ahead to promote their ideologically-leaning theories. In fact, that is what is common between the two - ideology.

Reality check.

The Pink Chaddi campaign and the Consortium of Loose, Pub going and Forward Women were hysterical in the promotion of the liberal mindset and their attack on conservatives is apparent, along with veiled potshots aimed at Hindu culture(read comments on their blog). It also forgets that fundamentalism of all religions needs to be fought against, not specifically Hinduism. Indeed, there were many fundamentalist groups that had threatened couples on Valentine's Day.


Now what happens with the Pink Chaddi campaign - anyone even remotely conservative and loyal to his/her culture is 'backward', 'un-progressive' and has trapped the country in an inertia of medieval theocracy. Let alone that the person might be a commoner, a wage-earner who has a family of many to feed. But the elitist disregard for the Indian poor is clearly on display with the Pink Chaddi folks.

It is indeed disappointing that the BJP did not do enough to bring the Sri Ram Sene and Pramod Muthalik to justice. "But they did arrest him before V-Day?", the quintessential Rightist may ask. Well, preventive custody is not justice. It is aimed at avoiding a repeat of the past events for public interest during that particular period when the threat looms large. What about the Mangalore pub attack? Where is justice for that? What was required, if at all, was a protest outside the Sene's office and the state legislative assembly in Bangalore and calls for ban on such fundamentalist groups.

But we are too happy sending pink chaddis to be bothered about a protest that makes an actual difference and doesn't just hog all the headlines. The attention by the media is blinding and the Consortium is on the brink of victory. Once the pink chaddis reached Muthalik, the Consortium's job was done and life is back to normal.

Congratulations Pink Chaddi folks, Mangalore's victims have justice. Maybe, overflowing boxes of pink underwear will flood the SRS office, block the exits and its members will be prevented from coming out and orchestrating another attack.

The Pink Condom campaign and the Consortium of Assertive and Proud Hindus hasn't been all over the papers, but only a look at their website is enough to understand that they intend to form a shield against those maligning Hinduism. The Pink Condom campaign conveniently forgets that there may be religious Hindus in the Pink Chaddi campaign who have nothing against Hinduism and are plainly intent on embarassing Muthalik and the SRS.


The Pink Condom initiative also fails to consider the fact that there may be many conservative Muslims and Christians(read comments on blog) who echo similar feelings against the liberal West. After all, if Indian culture is conservative - then it means Hindu, Islamic, Christian and all other conservative religious cultures, doesn't it?

It hails itself as secular while also specifically defending Hindu interests. Sure, pseudo-secularism is prevalent in India and practiced by many, but to use labels like 'sickular' is quite irresponsible and ignorant of the sentiments of the ill-advised members of both campaigns and people all over India in general. Especially, when the fault lies primarily with fundamentalist Hindus like Muthalik & his SRS.

End result - liberals celebrate the success of the Pink Chaddi campaign, while conservatives are up in arms against pub culture and similar anti-cultural theses. Next time the stupid SRS is out there marshalling pubs and attacking women, liberals will bury themselves in the paranoia of hysteria once again(aided by the media) and conservatives will brainstorm and ponder over erosion-of-Indian-culture and blame pub-going girls for 'provoking' the mad fundamentalists.

As soon as incidents like these phase out of public memory, Muthalik will walk a free man, the SRS remains as it is and although they must have learnt their lessons, does just teaching a lesson count for justice?

Welcome back to square one.







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The end of Kyunki…and other things

What is as significant to the nation’s everyday life, that is comparable to Anil Kumble’s priceless Test career or Sadhvi Pragya’s “How did so few die in Malegaon” and other taped mumbles? You guessed right. Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi.

India’s most loved (and hated) daily soap comes to a close on November 6th, bringing an abrupt (what am I saying?!) end to a tumultuous saga of science-defying survival (read Baa), the 20-year leaps (which essentially kept the soap alive as viewers huffed and puffed for new faces), the timeless love story of the protagonists Mihir and Tulsi which is now television’s official reply to Romeo and Juliet, with focused family responsibilities in this case (as they never found the time to actually hang out in parks, cinema halls or daaru addas) and the warring sons who were competing for not just the bragging rights to be the numero uno recipients of Tulsi’s eternal motherhood, but also longer hair and tactically motivated piercings among other things.

The loving bahus (who were apparently oozing enough sex appeal to make Mallika Sherawat take notice and Kareena Kapoor take some more Ponds Body Lotion), the insanely provocative sounds of agitated thunder during a potential “key moment” that had the power to scare off Mother Nature herself, followed up with split-second screenshots of all characters present in the scene, dutifully dallying away at the shock revelation of either a hidden fact or a historically unproven conundrum was quintessential of Kyunki. Oh, those days.

Along with these, certain sights in households across the country will also come to a close unless and until a new Mihir-Tulsi appear on the horizon. The dumbstruck spoonful-of-food-in-hand scene, the mercilessly overcooked chapattis that would make you hurl abuses at Tulsi and gang wholeheartedly (and also make you wonder whether her troubles in the following episode, or every episode for that matter, were a resultant of your black magic skills in retaliation of freshly-cooked black chapattis), the husband-at-doorstep scenes where the wife would give an understandably logical excuse of “Arey baba, break ho tab darwaza kholoon, na?”and the actual in-fighting over the undervalued TV remote. Feel free to add your own.

So here’s a heartfelt goodbye to the cast and crew of Kyunki and while I can confidently state that you have been an immense inspiration to all Indians, young and old, there is no guarantee that you will be missed.

Kyunki...we’ve had enough.



Image courtesy: Bollywood Pictures Online






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Bollywood - A misleading model for contemporary cinema

The rise of Bollywood as an ambassador for Indian culture and expression has brought along with it a gaping failure in appreciating cinema. Everything that Bollywood exposes us to today, is NOT the way we were meant to be exposed to it. Movies are meant to be a source of entertainment, but only in a limited context. The larger aim of mainstream cinema has always been more of a let-know than a let-sell. But today’s multiplex audiences fail to understand exactly that and films have become a sort of a reward that we gift ourselves in return for the “torture” of studying and giving exams in schools.

Let me explain how.

Picture a scene outside a multiplex. You are most likely to listen to fizzing sounds of “Film flop hai” or “Ticket mili kya?” The common man’s perception of cinema is a 3-hour package filled with laughs, comic pursuits, romantic flings and impractical love. He sees movies as a come-and-go show that is meant to be either a source of “time-pass” or a “chill-pill” and nothing else. All that matters is whether the product succeeds in impressing enough people to earn enough. All that matters is a new masala flick releasing week-in, week-out to keep foolhardy people satisfied. And Bollywood gives us exactly that. Even pro-social movies like Taare Zameen Par and Swades are viewed as products by the layman and he takes no positive impressions from it. The same man will line up for a ticket to a stupid, immature Bollywood flick next week, making the entire concept of understanding cinema purely a procedural one. Films have become like bureaucracy. And today, we are too contented to be in the “comfort zone” of watching mindless movies whenever we can.

Of more concern is the fact that Bollywood “stars” are treated like Gods wherever they go, irrespective of their private habits that are not meant to be taken up by growing kids. For example recently on NDTV’s Jai Jawaan, Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor made an appearance. Now the mainstream viewer’s interest isn’t in the men guarding the borders but rather in the lovey-dovey couple who entertain the jawaans with their so-called patriotic fervor. Kids are more motivated than ever to be like them, to dress like them, to look good, to follow each and every day of their God-gifted luxurious lives. Eternal dumbness and a make-up box life is what they are beginning to seek, with imprudent determination.

The commercial success of Fair-N-Handsome creams, admiration for Shah Rukh Khan’s six-packs as if it was in the league of PM Singh sealing the nuclear deal and a dogged pursuit of I-will-watch-every-damn-movie-I-can outlook to this life is encouraging ignorance in multitude. The worst part is that exploitation is what will succeed such an attitude of know-less-and-less.

I don’t discount the contribution of Bollywood to uniting India. A few films have gone on to become timeless classics and are etched on the minds of contemporary India and will continue to be forever. But compare these with the unending barrage of the current stream of movies and you have to feel sad. So-called freedom appeasers will argue, and have argued with me in the past, that “Let people watch what they want to. You don’t watch it if you don’t like it”. All I can say is please watch whatever you want to, but keep your brains at the right place when you do judge a movie.

It is an ill-feeling if nothing else. Wake up and appreciate yourself. You, whatever you do for the betterment of the country, are MORE important and special than the puppets of “Indian cinema”.





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Among other things

Inflation hits an all-time high of 7.83% among other things.

Hindu children are forced to wear turbans in Punjabi schools among other things.

The Gods create havoc in Kerala among other things.

The Indian hockey team does a few good things in Malaysia among other things.

The Great Khali is set to team up with a new tag team partner, Bollywood, among other things.

Aamir Khan takes a dig at Shah Rukh Khan on his blog among other things.

And our dear old friend Terror had a multi-cuisine breakfast, satiating lunch and a pleasing dinner at 7 places in Jaipur. Terror loves India, you know. He finds it really easy to smuggle into our country, have fun, create noise, turmoil, chaos, disorder and of course take a few lives in the process that nobody dare care about in a country that takes immense pride in it’s callousness to such events. We are conceitedly weak and foolishness comes naturally to us because we will never understand the need for SEPARATE LAWS to tackle Terror.

He is waiting to come back and he knows we will welcome him with open arms as national security is something that neither us or the decision makers holding important posts at the top of the country’s administrative set-up care about…

…among other things.

When men were men

When observations take a toll on your mind, they make you frustrated and create an irresistible, inescapable urge to rant. Maybe this post is an example of the burden of silence. I call it the Fair-N-Handsome effect (no offense meant to the brand and the company). Let’s just say that the world has more women than men because there are a lot of men who are actually women, in disguise. These are some of the common symptoms of this infection that calls for immediate emasculation of such feminists:-

1. You’ll find them sticking in and around girls, looking to make an impression that would delight the girl and “make her day”.

2. “Guddi, tujhe kya chahiye? Pepsi. Abhi lekar aata hoon. Arey sun, tujhe My Can chahiye ya woh 500 ml ki bottle?”
Help yourself.

3. The guy will try to make inky-pinky pansy-wansy Barbie doll impressions, act intentionally foolish (Or maybe is naturally foolish. I am yet to figure the logic out here.) and at loss with his sense of humour.

4. The guy won’t be a sport lover. Generally. If he fancies David Beckham over Ronaldinho as to who is the better football player, then you can probably make the judgment that he is infected.

5. The guy will like the colour pink, try to be overtly metro sexual, go gaga over Shah Rukh Khan’s 6-pack abs and will have assumed that MTV Roadies is the revolution that is the saviour of the Indian youth, like HRD Minister Arjun Singh.

6. The guy will cherish his collection of fairness creams (purchased with an effort that could have been wasted in better things) and will live in the hope that one day the darkness of his skin will pave the way for bright lights that would make girls freak out at his sight. Yes, freak out in ecstasy.

The raw truth is that there should be some space in life to do what you have to do with women and all the associated madness. But at least it would be wise to not lose yourself in the process.

One more thing, if you have had a newborn baby recently, please throw it over your rooftop to be blessed by God.

Save yourself.

Say hello to league cricket

In what is set to turn cricket into a rabid, monstrous business, the Indian Premier League kicked off in Bangalore amid the hype that is certainly here to stay. It’s cricket, cricket and more cricket than ever. The obsession just got worse. Fast-paced matches, inter-city rivalries, cheerleaders who make as much of an impression as the players and most importantly – a format of the game that seems to be played on steroids and takes passion in the Gentleman’s game to a whole new level.

Never before has India witnessed such an extravaganza in sport (although inter-city rivalries do exist in football’s I-League). Never before has an Indian crowd expressed an unnatural silence when Rahul Dravid hits a four, and followed it up with ecstasy at his dismissal. Never before have the corporates and film stars been so heavily involved with sport. This is a new era.

But this is league sport just the way it should be. It has existed for years in other countries and people thrive on their local clubs and cities coming up and delivering trophies and garnering acclaim and applause. It is new here. But you could clearly see that the Eden Gardens welcomed Brendon McCullum like a home-grown hero and went berserk at the dismissal of VVS Laxman, the architect of India’s famous win over Australia in the same ground seven years ago.

This will eventually benefit India, despite the opinions of cynics and critics of the league. Imagine the amount of experience the youngsters will gain in this tournament. They will get used to playing with the best, playing in front of huge crowds, playing with passion and working towards becoming national heroes. All that remains is for us to welcome them with open arms.

Let’s say cricket just got sexier.

Breaking News

A day in the life of the aam aadmi would never be complete without a sinister appearance from the new age pavitra Bharatiya nari Rakhee Sawant, an update on the phenomenal transfer of Lord Shiva’s powers to WWE wrestler The Great Khali, a more recent unearthing of a female version of the Khali whose balloon-blowing act on her rooftop inspired me to monkey-jump on my seat with childlike joy and not to forget, brought a halt to life in the world’s second most populous country.

If there is nothing to enlighten us with, then create something and let know. That is to say, serve something overcooked and utterly bitterly flavorless that finds its way into the everyday diet of the common man. This seems to be the modus operandi of the mainstream media in this path-breaking era of television journalism where there is hardly any difference between news and nonsense. The difference has been minimized to a negligible measure called “choice”. We can only choose to see it or not to see it. But this is what you’ll get best.



You can actually laugh off the news stories and loosen up and be ignorant of them, but their spine-chilling manipulation of Hindi to generate propaganda is something you should think about in earnest. The national language has been reduced to a literary exhibition of bedroom antics between couples untamed in sexual intercourse. The oooohhhs and the aaahhhs, I mean. And I’d rather take these over the media ones. Pleasure for real, you know.

If the Best Hindi News Channel and the Best Entertainment Channel awards handed out by the Indian Television Academy for the last few years have been won by Aaj Tak and Star Plus respectively, then it definitely proves that there is only one major criterion considered – TRP. These awards are scandalous then, in a way of saying. They provide disputable widespread acclaim and a source of motivation that isn’t doing anything right. Credibility is the need of the hour.

Till then, make the right choices.

Indian English

In an age where English has assumed astronomical importance in terms of getting a career and a life, we still find our own ways of getting the message across even if our vocabulary is limited or our ignorance needs to be pacified. And that involves manipulating the world’s business language in ways that suit us best.

In fact, if the verbal Indian curry hadn’t been garnished with desi English toppings, then it would hardly have turned out to be as delicious as it is today, no? Our fundas are clear. Our mugging works better than ever in schools and colleges. We are as enthu as ever. More despo than frantic desperation. So congo for that, friends.

The West may feel that our English has gone for a toss. But I love this language of ours more than priceless Shakespearean writing. Our English is basically very very sexy. So what if their head starts paining or their brains go haywire? Arey people don’t mind the eve-teasing please. What we actually mean is ki we love being unique and different and irritatingly not bothered.

Don’t take tension yaar. This was just timepass.

Source: Random research from Wikipedia