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Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Television. Show all posts

Verma committee: Media guidelines issued

Former Chief Justice of India JS Verma has issued a new protocol for visual media in the country, in the wake of their contemptible coverage of the Mumbai terror attacks. If the proposed set of measures are complied with by the private television entities solemnly, then it would assuredly prevent a repeat of their wanton conduct during 26/11, and after.

Verma, in his report, states:


"News related to armed conflicts and communal violence should be shown with public interest in mind," the guidelines said.

In case of a hostage situation, the guidelines said no details like identity or number of hostages should be telecast.

It also asked broadcasters to avoid unnecessary repetition of archival footage which may agitate the minds of viewers.

"Dignity of those who are killed should be kept in mind while such incidents are telecast," the guidelines read.[Rediff]

The point regarding excessive repetition of archival footage is particularly irrefutable as TV channels have opportunistically broadcast past videos without a mention of "File footage", in a bid to retain viewers. Repeat footage is distressing and the purposes with which it is replayed again and again are beyond comprehension.

The report spells doom for our favourite television anchors as their tragedy-time histrionics will be forcefully subdued and it is certain that a few are expected to be up in arms against the guidelines. Hopefully they will, in all their frivolous opposition of these instructions and rabid pseudo-championing of freedom of speech, at least obey the guidelines. Verma states that self-regulation is essential and the only flawless way of the media living up to its fourth-pillar-of-democracy role. And it is hence upto the mediapersons to eventually protect the larger interests of the people, who are undeniably under their elephantine influence.

Barkha Dutt had written, in impudent defence of her acts, not too long ago:


Should there be an emergency code of dos and donts for the coverage of such crises? We in the media would welcome a framework for sensitive events and are happy to contribute to its construction. But it is important to understand that in the absence of any instructions on site and in the absence of any such framework we broke NO rules. [NDTV]

Isn't this what she would have ransacked a politician for if he/she had dared to indulge in any immoral showing during times of crises? Mediapersons jumped onto the bandwagon of endless opportunism during those three dark days and then have the audacity to justify their actions by blaming the absence of a code of conduct. Where was their own so-called moral self at the time?

The bottomline, and it's a sad one, is that media houses showed as much opportunism as the politicians(Narendra Modi, Manish Tiwari etc) and both combined showed more opportunism than the Indian state and people can bear altogether. In times of crises, if their capitalist mindset seeks profit and profit only and they believe that the nation was "awakened" by their constant reporting of the attacks, then it is a testimony of our times that we have slept all along and needed such factions of society to "wake us up".

LK Advani, the supposed next Prime Minister, praised the role of the media openly in the Lok Sabha yesterday. "They woke us up" and "they did national service" were some statements from the BJP leader. What he forgot was that there was another side to the media coverage, that he probably never cared to explore.

It is disheartening that the people of a superpower-in-waiting come to know their true heroes and defenders at the cost of the lives of those heroes. How morally right is this? How much the better that our heroes do not have to sacrifice their lives in order for us to come to terms with what we are facing day in and day out?

Life just came a full circle.







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My Pigg's Boss Season 2 - The Rundown

Hi, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Shrillpa Slutty, your extraordinarily beautiful host of My Pigg's Boss season 2. And today, we bring you reactions from all participants so elatedly responsible for taking millions of viewers on a prearranged amusement ride with zero comic relief, gut-wrenching emotional manipulations and high-octane albeit self-triggered drama.

First, the winner....
Aa-shoe-toast
I yam deelighted to ween the corntest. I face taff competisan from many odours, but I come out strawng. Aafter weening Roadies, I waas alreddy the Roadside Romeo of all kyuut girls and I dezerve to ween Ms. Slutty's Pigg's Boss.

Now, the runner-up....
Ra-jaa
I need to go home urgently and beat up my wife please as she is the one who is entirely reponsible for my loss.

In third....
Kulfi
I tried impressing the viewers with my yummy kulfi-like looks and haseen zulf-ein. But they saw beyond it and I still can't understand how I lost.

The others....
Ms. Asambhaavna
[screaming]
I added the oomph to the show. I made the men go mad behind me. I brought the country to a halt. I loved swimming in the pool again and again. I loved being massaged. I was better than Rakhi Sawant was last year.

Ms. Ghaayal
[screaming directly at Asambhaavna]
You b*%^&. What do you mean? I was the X-factor of this show. If it's anyone, it's me who deserves to win simply on the criteria of the number of clothes covering my body. I can count them using half the fingers of one hand. Can you? Huh!

Raafool Mahafun
[trying to calm Ghaayal down with his now-patented hand massage]
Relax, baby. Chill. It's what I do best. Chill. Of course, drugs would help me chill better. Nevertheless, chill.

Moanica
You all will be sued. Just wait. Let my boyfriend come and save me, like Superman. Then we'll make sure that all of you will suffer.

Ms. Slutty interrupts - Superman?

Moanica responds - Yes. He is from The Underweared. He has a lot of powers. He will unleash his wrath on you all soon.

Ehsaan
No comments. I was hardly there.


Thank you for watching the show and making it a huge success, folks. And finally I sign off with a shake-a-leg dance with the chief guest aka my-ex flame-and-claim-to-fame, Kingg Kumar.

See you next year, prime time TV.


Commercial Break: Mahafun Massages offers FREE massages on a first-come-first-serve basis to all women and an exclusive 0.05% discount to all men.


And now for the news that matter.....







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Don't expose CNN-IBN to your kids

The devil in CNN-IBN is very much alive as it took me only a little research on their website to yield shocking images of pure sensationalism and TRP-inspired coverage of news. These will make you wonder whether IBN employs vicious monsters and blood-thirsty vampires to do their journalism for them.

Sample these:


What has the symbol OM got to do with terrorism of any form? The sensitive symbol of the Hindu faith has been shamelessly associated with terror by the IBN team. The news channel should be sued for lack of discipline in reporting.



The amount of blood displayed in the background is horrendous. This was a news item of theirs aired during the Aarushi Talwar murder case.



An image screened often by IBN in connection with murders of Indian students in the USA. The less said, the better.

When will the Supreme Court take strict action against the media as they deserve to be admonished and castigated for the irresponsibility displayed in their willful abuse of the freedom of speech?






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The end of Kyunki…and other things


What is as significant to the nation’s everyday life, that is comparable to Anil Kumble’s priceless Test career or Sadhvi Pragya’s “How did so few die in Malegaon” and other taped mumbles? You guessed right. Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi.

India’s most loved (and hated) daily soap comes to a close on November 6th, bringing an abrupt (what am I saying?!) end to a tumultuous saga of science-defying survival (read Baa), the 20-year leaps (which essentially kept the soap alive as viewers huffed and puffed for new faces), the timeless love story of the protagonists Mihir and Tulsi which is now television’s official reply to Romeo and Juliet, with focused family responsibilities in this case (as they never found the time to actually hang out in parks, cinema halls or daaru addas) and the warring sons who were competing for not just the bragging rights to be the numero uno recipients of Tulsi’s eternal motherhood, but also longer hair and tactically motivated piercings among other things.

The loving bahus (who were apparently oozing enough sex appeal to make Mallika Sherawat take notice and Kareena Kapoor take some more Ponds Body Lotion), the insanely provocative sounds of agitated thunder during a potential “key moment” that had the power to scare off Mother Nature herself, followed up with split-second screenshots of all characters present in the scene, dutifully dallying away at the shock revelation of either a hidden fact or a historically unproven conundrum was quintessential of Kyunki. Oh, those days.

Along with these, certain sights in households across the country will also come to a close unless and until a new Mihir-Tulsi appear on the horizon. The dumbstruck spoonful-of-food-in-hand scene, the mercilessly overcooked chapattis that would make you hurl abuses at Tulsi and gang wholeheartedly (and also make you wonder whether her troubles in the following episode, or every episode for that matter, were a resultant of your black magic skills in retaliation of freshly-cooked black chapattis), the husband-at-doorstep scenes where the wife would give an understandably logical excuse of “Arey baba, break ho tab darwaza kholoon, na?”and the actual in-fighting over the undervalued TV remote. Feel free to add your own.

So here’s a heartfelt goodbye to the cast and crew of Kyunki and while I can confidently state that you have been an immense inspiration to all Indians, young and old, there is no guarantee that you will be missed.

Kyunki...we’ve had enough.



Image courtesy: Bollywood Pictures Online






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Stop killing yourself over the TV

NDTV reports:


The Supreme Court is upset with the quality of television programmes shown nowadays.

Questioning the content of TV programmes the court observed, " Can there be a day in 365 days, a family can sit together and watch TV without an assault on basic values?"


Television is as much a curse as a boon. We neutralize it's negative impact by openly acknowledging the amount of knowledge it feeds to us. But with the kind of stuff shown on television these days, it wouldn't be wrong to state that the medium needs to be carefully observed and regulated.

Again and again.





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Quotes Today: Episode 1


Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the first edition of our new show Quotes Today. We bring you exclusive bytes from the world of entertainment, political entertainment and sensational entertainment only.

So here goes. First we caught up with the two faces of Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss’ anti-smoking campaign, Shah Rukh Khan and West Bengal chief minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharya. And they said:


Umm...[puff] well, yes [puff]...smoking is [puff] injurious to health.


We then left for Big Bazaar in Pune where Small B Abhishek Bachchan made a surprise visit to promote some rona-dhona...err, Drona...material. As expected, the place went into raptures. Shoppers flung their bags into the air, gasping with unabated breath, on the unanticipated arrival of Abhishek. After huffing and puffing our way through the crowd, we managed to get a few words from Abhishek. But unfortunately, Abhishek told us nothing new. He dumped the same garbage on us as he has been doing on all music and news channels.


Watch Drona. Watch Drona, damn it. Watch it, or I’ll make such unsolicited surprise trips to not only Big Bazaar, but also to Pig Bazaar, Cig Bazaar and Chor Bazaar.


Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan squeezed in with some words of her own for hubby tubby.


Abhishek played Drona real. He played it real. So watch it if he tells you. I don’t care if he uses pain-in-the-ass persuasion. But just watch it.


Finally, we managed to squiggle into the Big Boss 2 house. We were keen on asking Rahul Mahajan about his supposed entry into politics and this is what he had to say.


I will campaign for the BJP in the upcoming assembly elections after I’ve completed my current and more significant job as the official masseur of the Big Boss ladies. I might delay, however, if I get to massage Shilpa Shetty.


Hope you had a nice time. We will be back soon with another edition of Quotes Today. Till then, keep speaking.

Compiled by: Masquerading media monkeys

Image courtesy: The Hindu







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21-12-2012


Finally then. Thank you Aaj Tak, India TV, Live India and all of the other we-love-to-spread-fear mass media organizations for signaling the end of the world with your Colgate smiles and Himesh noises. Hats off to your incredible findings that will allow us to splash our cash, drink and drive, be merry and more importantly, be afraid.

If you take a moment to think about the kind of fear that thousands of people live with everyday and to add more nonsense to fragile and emotionally weak Indian minds, to play with the feelings of thousands of innocent human beings and to provoke utterly meaningless discussions over the so-called END OF THE WORLD theory, then you can only pity the kind of misery we have learnt to adjust with every hour of every day.

Men will eat men. Wars will burn this world and tear it apart. Food and fuel won’t exist. But let’s face it when it comes face-to-face. Sensationalism will kill us anyway. So pledge to stop tuning into the greatest entertainment channels of the country if the world does not end on 21st December, 2012.

And if this supremely ridiculous end-of-life theory works, then it’s all over anyway.

Among other things

Inflation hits an all-time high of 7.83% among other things.

Hindu children are forced to wear turbans in Punjabi schools among other things.

The Gods create havoc in Kerala among other things.

The Indian hockey team does a few good things in Malaysia among other things.

The Great Khali is set to team up with a new tag team partner, Bollywood, among other things.

Aamir Khan takes a dig at Shah Rukh Khan on his blog among other things.

And our dear old friend Terror had a multi-cuisine breakfast, satiating lunch and a pleasing dinner at 7 places in Jaipur. Terror loves India, you know. He finds it really easy to smuggle into our country, have fun, create noise, turmoil, chaos, disorder and of course take a few lives in the process that nobody dare care about in a country that takes immense pride in it’s callousness to such events. We are conceitedly weak and foolishness comes naturally to us because we will never understand the need for SEPARATE LAWS to tackle Terror.

He is waiting to come back and he knows we will welcome him with open arms as national security is something that neither us or the decision makers holding important posts at the top of the country’s administrative set-up care about…

…among other things.

Breaking News



A day in the life of the aam aadmi would never be complete without a sinister appearance from the new age pavitra Bharatiya nari Rakhee Sawant, an update on the phenomenal transfer of Lord Shiva’s powers to WWE wrestler The Great Khali, a more recent unearthing of a female version of the Khali whose balloon-blowing act on her rooftop inspired me to monkey-jump on my seat with childlike joy and not to forget, brought a halt to life in the world’s second most populous country.

If there is nothing to enlighten us with, then create something and let know. That is to say, serve something overcooked and utterly bitterly flavorless that finds its way into the everyday diet of the common man. This seems to be the modus operandi of the mainstream media in this path-breaking era of television journalism where there is hardly any difference between news and nonsense. The difference has been minimized to a negligible measure called “choice”. We can only choose to see it or not to see it. But this is what you’ll get best.



You can actually laugh off the news stories and loosen up and be ignorant of them, but their spine-chilling manipulation of Hindi to generate propaganda is something you should think about in earnest. The national language has been reduced to a literary exhibition of bedroom antics between couples untamed in sexual intercourse. The oooohhhs and the aaahhhs, I mean. And I’d rather take these over the media ones. Pleasure for real, you know.

If the Best Hindi News Channel and the Best Entertainment Channel awards handed out by the Indian Television Academy for the last few years have been won by Aaj Tak and Star Plus respectively, then it definitely proves that there is only one major criterion considered – TRP. These awards are scandalous then, in a way of saying. They provide disputable widespread acclaim and a source of motivation that isn’t doing anything right. Credibility is the need of the hour.

Till then, make the right choices.

Hockey’s untold story: What the media doesn’t tell YOU


The headline of this post would indicate that I have some closed-circuit information to reveal to all. No please. There isn’t any controversy brewing. It’s just that you would have realized that what the media doesn’t tell us is actually covering hockey enough in their page spaces and TV timings.

But just like the typical masala mind of us Indians everywhere, they are gleefully covering the defeat to Britain that ensures the players stay at home during the prestigious tournament this year. Tormenting the Indian Hockey Federation(which apparently hasn’t done any good to the sport), lambasting the coach, support staff and players and sparking cold reactions from past legends is all the media can do.

The sports pages of the nation’s news delivery products were filled with stories fuming at the team and photos of downbeat Indian players in Santiago after the defeat. It has never happened in 80 years of Olympic hockey history. But does anyone really care? I don’t think so. Not least, the media.

When all we are interested in doing is glorifying our failures, then we have no reason to be upset with the efforts put in by the team. It is no fault of theirs when they earn just about as much as the common man. As usual, life will go on without the slightest remorse in our minds. As usual, these men will never ever gain hero status.

Hmm. So what is field hockey anyway?

Plastic Theory


When a man can give as stellar a performance as the one that Shahrukh Khan gave in Chak De India and produce that despicable, deplorable and appalling show at the Filmfare Awards 2008, then something just isn’t right. He is an example of how to create a positive image that is totally accredited to others (directors, script writers, dialogue writers and all the other noble men who have made Shahrukh “King Khan”) and in the meantime be your dim-witted, futile self when you want to be so.

Yes, this is Shahrukh Khan. The way we don’t know him actually. Given his God-gifted talent, you’d expect him to produce the kind of work he has done in Chak De & Swades and the other rare good films of his. But the guy is clearly blank from within and is more a plastic icon than a role model.

Since there is God in India and after God there’s him, most of us will have enjoyed it like all the other dustbin fillers of the film industry did on the fateful night. But there is really no logic behind that abysmal showing. Apparently, if dancing in a towel with fellow gay impressionist Saif Ali Khan (whom Kareena Kapoor should be fearing sleeping with now) would have impressed Sanjay Leela Bhansali enough to cast him in his next film, then it’s a job well done sir.

But if the Kabir Khan of Chak De and Mohan Bhargav of Swades can produce this kind of flush-it-before-it-stinks factory garbage, then his credentials as one of the country’s faces should be dissected.

Now, before we get more dustbin content than we already have. Mr. SRK, this one stinks so bad that I don’t have cats and dogs sniffing around it seeking some stomach fillers.

Mannequins at work


There would be numerous instances of how prime time TV comprising the baas, the saases, the bahus and four to five of their following generations (and counting), the privilege of which is beyond the understanding of any human being, affects the bona fide baas, saases and bahus of our world.

Firstly, I’ve seen people hold up their hands in incredulous agony when a protagonist in the soap is killed off, albeit temporarily of course. Screeches of “Nahiiiiiii” from the various make-up dolls surrounding the dead corpse on screen and the terror unleashed on people on this side of the TV set make the hackneyed dialogue “Main lut gayi, barbaad ho gayi” sound refreshingly new. This junk is then followed up with ear drum-traumatizing musiiiiiiiiiic (The relay is as distorted and disturbing as the word “music” written in this format and can give rock star-cum-nasal connoisseur Himesh Reshammiya a run for his money.) and split-second snapshots of bewildered support cast in a sequence generated by no particular algorithm.

Later on, our fellow humans scamper for the post-commercial break previews shown at the onset of the break. These will again have sense-flouting tit bits of the horror to follow soon. These commercial breaks see the instigation of two significant events – the mute button being pressed on the remote control and anxious housewives dashing out of their drawing rooms to check on whether the food being cooked for work-exhausted husbands hasn’t scalded, yet still more bothered about the upcoming progression of events on their TV screens.

Finally, as the display of life-defying torment comes to an end, you have a set of events which will generate a massive amount of curiosity and trigger phone calls, nation-altering debates and an assurance to the soap producers that we are firmly seated on the bandwagon and looking forward more than ever to next day’s histrionics.

Life is normal again. Well, at least till tomorrow.