Breaking News

A day in the life of the aam aadmi would never be complete without a sinister appearance from the new age pavitra Bharatiya nari Rakhee Sawant, an update on the phenomenal transfer of Lord Shiva’s powers to WWE wrestler The Great Khali, a more recent unearthing of a female version of the Khali whose balloon-blowing act on her rooftop inspired me to monkey-jump on my seat with childlike joy and not to forget, brought a halt to life in the world’s second most populous country.

If there is nothing to enlighten us with, then create something and let know. That is to say, serve something overcooked and utterly bitterly flavorless that finds its way into the everyday diet of the common man. This seems to be the modus operandi of the mainstream media in this path-breaking era of television journalism where there is hardly any difference between news and nonsense. The difference has been minimized to a negligible measure called “choice”. We can only choose to see it or not to see it. But this is what you’ll get best.

You can actually laugh off the news stories and loosen up and be ignorant of them, but their spine-chilling manipulation of Hindi to generate propaganda is something you should think about in earnest. The national language has been reduced to a literary exhibition of bedroom antics between couples untamed in sexual intercourse. The oooohhhs and the aaahhhs, I mean. And I’d rather take these over the media ones. Pleasure for real, you know.

If the Best Hindi News Channel and the Best Entertainment Channel awards handed out by the Indian Television Academy for the last few years have been won by Aaj Tak and Star Plus respectively, then it definitely proves that there is only one major criterion considered – TRP. These awards are scandalous then, in a way of saying. They provide disputable widespread acclaim and a source of motivation that isn’t doing anything right. Credibility is the need of the hour.

Till then, make the right choices.

Indian English

In an age where English has assumed astronomical importance in terms of getting a career and a life, we still find our own ways of getting the message across even if our vocabulary is limited or our ignorance needs to be pacified. And that involves manipulating the world’s business language in ways that suit us best.

In fact, if the verbal Indian curry hadn’t been garnished with desi English toppings, then it would hardly have turned out to be as delicious as it is today, no? Our fundas are clear. Our mugging works better than ever in schools and colleges. We are as enthu as ever. More despo than frantic desperation. So congo for that, friends.

The West may feel that our English has gone for a toss. But I love this language of ours more than priceless Shakespearean writing. Our English is basically very very sexy. So what if their head starts paining or their brains go haywire? Arey people don’t mind the eve-teasing please. What we actually mean is ki we love being unique and different and irritatingly not bothered.

Don’t take tension yaar. This was just timepass.

Source: Random research from Wikipedia

Weak in the knees

Nothing hurts as much as some of India’s bend-to-your-knees policies regarding international issues. Tibet, Taslima Nasreen, and so many others will pay testimony to this fact while terrorists, China, the West and all other traditionally anti-Indian entities will enjoy a wicked laugh. If we chose to blame ourselves, we would be wiser.

Because, it is certain that we cannot deal with sensitive issues as we would like and that governments needs to learn and improve from past mistakes like Mohammed Afzal and Kandahar. Pressure from the Left led to the nuclear deal’s progress coming to a disc-brake generated halt. Sometimes we are too sensitive, sometimes not smart enough. Sometimes, we don’t know what we are doing.

Like Nasreen rightly said before exiting the subcontinent – “"A person who couldn't be scared by fundamentalists has been defeated by cold-blooded state terrorism inflicted by the Indian government. My terrible experience has shattered all my notions about a secular, democratic India.”

We always set priorities for ourselves but cannot deal with the bigger picture, like a Hindu would be biased towards Shah Rukh Khan or any other Muslim actor who entertains him or a Muslim would enjoy an Aishwarya Rai smile but both of them will come up chest-baring when ever there is secular unrest in the country.

That is India.

Hockey’s untold story: What the media doesn’t tell YOU

The headline of this post would indicate that I have some closed-circuit information to reveal to all. No please. There isn’t any controversy brewing. It’s just that you would have realized that what the media doesn’t tell us is actually covering hockey enough in their page spaces and TV timings.

But just like the typical masala mind of us Indians everywhere, they are gleefully covering the defeat to Britain that ensures the players stay at home during the prestigious tournament this year. Tormenting the Indian Hockey Federation(which apparently hasn’t done any good to the sport), lambasting the coach, support staff and players and sparking cold reactions from past legends is all the media can do.

The sports pages of the nation’s news delivery products were filled with stories fuming at the team and photos of downbeat Indian players in Santiago after the defeat. It has never happened in 80 years of Olympic hockey history. But does anyone really care? I don’t think so. Not least, the media.

When all we are interested in doing is glorifying our failures, then we have no reason to be upset with the efforts put in by the team. It is no fault of theirs when they earn just about as much as the common man. As usual, life will go on without the slightest remorse in our minds. As usual, these men will never ever gain hero status.

Hmm. So what is field hockey anyway?

Women and Microsoft

Microsoft India held a special recruitment drive for women in the Indian IT industry. In celebration of Women's Day on 8th March, a full-scale placement program was held in various cities across the country. Being in Infosys currently and nurturing dreams of joining companies like Microsoft, Oracle or Yahoo, I pondered over the logic of this endowing testament to women.

So, why did they conduct such a walk-in? I have no clue really. Maybe, they are short of women employees. Maybe they want to balance the ratio of men and women in the company. Maybe, it's an International Women's Day tribute from the world's best software company.

Interesting, isn't it?

Plastic Theory

When a man can give as stellar a performance as the one that Shahrukh Khan gave in Chak De India and produce that despicable, deplorable and appalling show at the Filmfare Awards 2008, then something just isn’t right. He is an example of how to create a positive image that is totally accredited to others (directors, script writers, dialogue writers and all the other noble men who have made Shahrukh “King Khan”) and in the meantime be your dim-witted, futile self when you want to be so.

Yes, this is Shahrukh Khan. The way we don’t know him actually. Given his God-gifted talent, you’d expect him to produce the kind of work he has done in Chak De & Swades and the other rare good films of his. But the guy is clearly blank from within and is more a plastic icon than a role model.

Since there is God in India and after God there’s him, most of us will have enjoyed it like all the other dustbin fillers of the film industry did on the fateful night. But there is really no logic behind that abysmal showing. Apparently, if dancing in a towel with fellow gay impressionist Saif Ali Khan (whom Kareena Kapoor should be fearing sleeping with now) would have impressed Sanjay Leela Bhansali enough to cast him in his next film, then it’s a job well done sir.

But if the Kabir Khan of Chak De and Mohan Bhargav of Swades can produce this kind of flush-it-before-it-stinks factory garbage, then his credentials as one of the country’s faces should be dissected.

Now, before we get more dustbin content than we already have. Mr. SRK, this one stinks so bad that I don’t have cats and dogs sniffing around it seeking some stomach fillers.

Hope's greatest icon

If ever there was a part of my youth that I am truly proud of or feel rather gifted to have witnessed and be inspired by, then it is having lived through the zenith of Sachin Tendulkar’s illustrious cricketing career. The great man must have lit up the formative years of so many others like me, who were inspired by his magic, talent and most importantly, himself as a person.

The un-complaining, never-whining, always calm Sachin taught us how to fight even when everything is seemingly conspired against you. He has been the victim of the harshest of umpiring errors and probably even a lot of abuse that we never notice on TV or while attending the matches. But he is still loved and cherished simply because Tendulkar is a lesson by himself in anger management, showcasing the right attitude and embracing greatness without a sense of self. He is a stand-out example of a theory that has never been given the kind of respect it deserves – the talk less, do more supposition.

There is immense pleasure gained from his game. Not only in terms of what young batsmen all over the country learn as far as cricket technicalities go, but also because he is the role model that we should all compulsorily look up to and admire with maximum exaltation. In an age driven by media brainwashing, hypocrisy, fake idols and so much life-wasting banter and hatred, Tendulkar stands out as a true icon. A genius, whose talent and ability knows no bounds. More importantly, a man whose culture comes above all and he hardly ever breaks the ideals he has set for himself.

The day Tendulkar retires won’t be a black day as such. Because then we would be very unfair to so many young players attempting to emulate the Little Master and give India new idols, icons and heroes. But it would be almost impossible in this era at least, to go beyond his feats. And we are indebted to him for what he taught us and what he bestowed us with – a reason to live with honour and respect.

May God bless God.